I am often asked;
- Can you help me understand why I did what I did?
- Can you help me understand why that happened and
what did I do to cause it?
- Can you help me understand what’s blocking me and stopping
me from moving forward and being happier?
As if by magic, we think that if we can find the answer to our why’s then we can easily move on and like a fairy tale live happily ever after. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way.
What if there isn’t an answer to your why? Do you keep wondering, hoping, searching wasting time and effort chasing the answer?
At What Point Do You Stop Asking Why, Surrender and Move On?
Asking these questions is human nature but constantly asking ourselves why traps us in a never ending and often downward loop that stops us from moving forward.
For this reason, it’s important to understand the detrimental cost of asking ourselves WHY all the time.
What Happens When We Are In The Cycle Of Why?
- Firstly, whilst we’re in the cycle of thinking that something is wrong, we may start to think that we are wrong and this puts us in a disempowered place. In doing so we put ourselves on the back foot and appoint blame rather than taking responsibility for ourselves and for our own lives.
You can’t move forward in your life if you’re living it on the back foot.
- Secondly, the truth is that sometimes we don’t actually know why. In fact, we may never understand why someone said what they said or did what they did. Thinking about why means we waste huge amounts of precious time and energy trying to solve a riddle without all the information! It’s pointless.
- Finally, and most importantly, in looking for the reason, your back is turned away from the future and you’re looking at the past over and over again. Your quest to understand why may take days, weeks, months, possibly years and even after all that time, you may still not get there.
So, dump the WHY and instead focus on who you need to be and what you want to create now. Ask yourself, who do I need to be in order to feel comfortable about what happened? Or, what steps do I need to take in order for this to not happen to me again?
This puts you in control, it places you firmly in the driver’s seat of your life and from there you are able to go wherever you want to go without ever needing to look backwards and ask that useless question of why.
It is far more powerful to look into the future and create what you want rather than look into the past and lament on what you don’t have or what could have been.
Life changes when you change